Monday, December 7, 2009

A Very Bad Idea
(my first one this week...)

I woke up this morning, bright and early and saw that it had snowed during the night. This is where things went horribly wrong.

I decided it would be a GREAT idea to get all my kids up and ready before 7:30, dress them in Santa hats and head out into the virgin snow to take the dreaded CHRISTMAS picture (did I mention that it's Monday morning??). If you are a mom, you will get immediately that evidently my synapses were not making proper contact this morning. The incredible part of this story is that I actually did get all my kids up, coiffed and dressed. We loaded into the van (because I have to borrow my neighbors trees anytime I want ambiance) and that's when it all started to disintegrate. I had made my plan while imagining fantasy Stepford children, pouring liberal amounts of bleach on what my reality actually is...whiny kids who have no tolerance for cold or inconvenience. Bribery worked on the older two, but my toddler isn't so corruptible yet. As soon as I got a shot ready, he'd step out of it or turn around or make his Oscar the grouch face. Meanwhile kids number one and two are screeching through clenched teeth, "Mom! Take the dang picture!" My optimism faded and I asked myself what the heck I was doing outside in the cold, on a Monday morning taking pictures of my kids (who historically speaking, compare this sort of activity with Chinese water torture). By the time we were done (two seconds later), all kids were upset, one was crying and I had pulled a muscle in my back.

Next Monday I'm hitting snooze, throwing back a Valium and sleeping for an extra two hours.